Aquum London Review

Lights, camera, action…. The stage is set, the VIPs are on the front row, your clothes are in place, the music starts and the lights are on you. Wait a minute, this isn’t Paris Fashion Week, this isn’t even Paris. This is Clapham High Street and I’m at Aquum.

The bouncer with no neck and a menacing smile makes me feel like a Z-lister trying to get in to the most exclusive party. Girls, this is where you show your pearly whites and a flash of cleavage (come on, we all know you do it). Gentlemen, a bit of friendly banter is the secret recipe for your admittance (arm wrestling won’t get you anywhere).

But once you are in, this place is pretty special.

It’s sexy. No, wait, the people inside are sexy. This isn’t Fashion Week but walking through I feel like I’m walking amongst the models from the spring/summer collection 2010. A huge effort has been made by the girls, they haven’t spontaneously decided to go to Aquum, they’ve been fake tanning, nail polishing, hair straightening, lip glossing and small dress-deciding for weeks. The men are chisel-chinned, slick haired, designer labelled cool – note to self, a wandering eye doesn’t bode well when you’re with your boyfriend.

It’s a good job the people here are hot because after 11pm the place gets packed out and there’s not enough room to swing a Louis Vuitton bag. Cue an upstairs VIP section via another equally scary no-neck. Names not down, you’re not coming in. My name is down, yippee!

There is a lot more space and a view of the rest of the bar from there. I feel more superior - it’s like looking down on the minions. Great for watching dodgy dance moves, checking out the not-so-hot lads trying their luck with a groups of girls, and the inevitable talent spotting. Stop it – you’re here with your boyfriend!

There is one caution up there though. Fire. Every so often a bottle of plonk weaves its way through the masses set alight with a huge sparkler – the perks of having a birthday in the VIP lounge, eh?

For the less extravagant, a bottle of vodka and mixers can be shared with friends, thus avoiding queues at the bar (shame). Plus, there’s something to be said for pouring drinks for your mates. Who needs a 35ml measure, anyway? Cocktail fiends beware, though, with over 70 cocktails on the menu, the concoctions are delicious and very more-ish. If you’re after a lemonade and a chat, this is not the place. If you want to dance with a mojito in one hand and a hot lad/lady in the other, then it is.

Terry, the director, is proud of the toilets. I’m an OCD-aholic but I couldn’t agree more. The queue might take an age - it’s no surprise, models need to re-touch all the time - but once in, it’s plush. With padded doors and gold leather walls it’s luxurious, clean, and has mirrors big enough for all girls to use at once. I wasn’t quite brave, or drunk, enough to venture into the men’s although I heard they are pretty special too. They don’t have pretty girls, though. Sorry lads.

It got to about midnight before the drinks got the better of me. By that time the bar was heaving and everyone was having what can rightly be described as a ‘good time’. Weaving my way out through the busy downstairs, past grooving girls and boys watching grooving girls and I’m out. Eyes open… yep, still on the high street. Inside might seem a world away from Clapham but outside there’s no limo waiting for me, and I’ve still got to run for the bus.

Next time you’re in Clapham you need to remember one thing: all the ugly people go to Infernos, all the beautiful people go to Aquum.
Rebecca Brett (11 02 2010)

Aquum London Description

After a successful opening earlier this year, AQUUM has quickly established itself as the place to see and be seen in SW4. Offering a cool and chic feel, this interchangeable South London haunt is spread over three floors, spoiling you with plenty of room to relax throughout the week over a bite to eat with friends and ample space to get your groove on at the weekends.

Catering for up to 450 guests, this luxurious venue really does offer something for everyone, be it strutting your stuff in the large main bar, getting down to the beat on the basement floor, getting close and personal in the VIP mezzanine or simply watching the world go by on the sun drenched terrace (heaters and covers on standby!)

Customer Reviews for Aquum

The following customer reviews are not endorsed by Fluid London and are simply those of users who wish to publish their independent experiences of Aquum.

“Great place for food in the daytime/early eve! Lovely atmosphere, amazing decor - really swanky and something special on Clapham High Street. Sadly there are not enough tables for food now that it's become cold - the outside area is pretty much done in now with the cold weather, and there are not enough proper tables to have food on inside, as they're usually reserved or booked up - sort it out Aquum!”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
Mark, Clapham (2 months 6 days ago)

“Went there on Saturday night and the place was heaving! Had a really good time. Thought the music was different to what the rest of Clapham was playing (note the distinct lack of continuous funky house!) which is a nice change. Will be back for sure...”
Atmosphere: Value: Quality:
Steven Pope, Clapham, London (4 months 18 days ago)

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